From Random Poetry and Other Losses, printed April 17, 1979
© Copyright 1973, 1974 Guy L. Steele Jr. All rights reserved.
Once before a console dreary, while I programmed, weak and weary,
Over many a curious program which did TECO's buffer fill, –
While I pondered, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a feeping,
As of something gently beeping, beeping with my console's bell.
“'Tis my DDT,” I muttered, “feeping on my console's bell:
Once it feeped, and now is still.”
Ah, distinctly I remember that dark night in bleak December,
And each separate glowing symbol danced before me, bright and chill.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my HACTRN aid for sorrow – sorrow for the bugs which fill –
For the strange unknown and nameless bugs which ever all my programs f
Bugs which now I searched for still.
And the coughing, whirring, gritty fan I heard inside my TTY
Made me with fantastic terrors never known before to thrill;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart I stood repeating,
“'Tis some interrupt entreating DDT to signal me –
Some strange interrupt entreating DDT to signal me –
Its importance surely nil.”
Presently my soul grew stronger: hesitating then no longer
I decided that I would respond to this strange program's call;
TECO, which I then attended, to my soul more strength extended;
With ^Z I ascended, going to my DDT –
$$V I typed, and answered soon my DDT –
TECO there, and that was all!
Dumbly at my console peering, as I sat there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting now that any interrupt was ever there to call;
But the silence was unbroken, and my HACTRN gave no token,
And the only sound there spoken from my TTY's whirring fan –
The low and rough and distant sound came from my TTY's whirring fan –
TECO there, and that was all.
Back into my TECO going, with my pounding heart now slowing,
Soon again I heard a feeping, somewhat louder than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely this is some strange bug of RMS's
Which an interrupt professes, though I have no other job;
Let me then ask DDT if it thinks there's another job –
'Tis a bug, and nothing more!”
Again I went up to my HACTRN while cold shivers up my back ran
$$V I typed, my jobs now once more to display.
Only TECO was there listed; though my trembling heart resisted
Yet I willed my hand, insisted, $J to quickly type –
To answer this bold query DDT did hesitantly type
A ghostly “FOOBAR$J”.
From $$V protected, now, this phantom job, selected
Gave no clue to why it had invoked that former beeping shrill.
“Though,” I said, “you're no inferior, I shall act as your superior
And examine your interior, this strange matter to explore.”
Then I typed a 0/ this matter further to explore –
Quoth the HACTRN, “:KILL”.
Much I worried – this outrageous bug might prove to be contagious,
Though thus far it had not seemed to do my TECO any ill:
For we cannot help concurring such a bug would cause a stirring,
Feeping on a console whirring, disappearing then from sight –
An evanescent mystery subjob disappearing then from sight
With no clue but “:KILL”!
But my HACTRN, swapping, running, gave no further sign of cunning
By this unknown phantom, which was in a thirty second sleep;
None of this I comprehended; to my TECO I descended,
And in terror I pretended that the bug had gone away –
I pretended that for good the mystery bug had gone away –
When my console gave a feep.
Now I quickly, hoping, praying, started up a PEEK displaying
All the the jobs and subjobs there which did the system fill:
What I found was quite unpleasant, for there was no FOOBAR present:
Only TECO was there present, underneath my DDT;
I quit the PEEK, and “FOOBAR$J” typed out my DDT –
Then quoth the HACTRN, “:KILL”.
But – this FOOBAR now beguiling all my sad soul into smiling –
I tightly grinned, determined that this glitch should cause nobody ill
Now, into my armchair sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking why this unknown phantom job –
Why this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and unknown phantom job
Feeped and did a “:KILL”.
This I sat engaged in guessing, but conceived no thought expressing
How a phantom job could sound those strange and ghostly beeps;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining,
With the symbols coldly shining at me from the CRT,
With the bright, sharp symbols coldly shining on the CRT –
Which suddenly gave seven feeps!
Then methought the air grew denser, filled with clouds which grew immenser,
As when under darkened daylight thick and stormy weather brews;
With some bit of hesitation stemming from my trepidation
Again I typed that incantation finding out how much I'd lose –
$$V I typed again to find how much I'd lose –
TECO there, and seven FOOs!
“Job!” said I, “with ghostly manner! – subjob still, if LISP or PLANNER!
Whether accident, or feeping as another hacker wills!
Tell me now why I am losing, why my HACTRN you're abusing,
Which no doubt is of your choosing: echo truly on my screen!”
Then DDT as if in answer echoed quickly on my screen,
Typing seven “:KILLs”.
“Job!” said I, “with ghostly manner! – subjob still, if LISP or PLANNER!
By the ITS above us which the DSKDMP doth fulfill,
I shall be the system's saviour: I shall mend your crude behaviour,
I shall halt your strange behaviour, and thee from the system lock!”
Madly, wildly laughing I made DDT invoke a LOCK,
And quickly typed thereat – “5KILL”!
“Be this now our sign of parting, phantom job!” I shrieked, upstarting
As my HACTRN now informed me ITS was going down in 5:00.
“You have run your last instruction and performed your final function!
But, refuting this deduction HACTRN then my TTY grabbed –
To type out yet another message HACTRN now my TTY grabbed –
Quoth the HACTRN, ”ITS REVIVED!“
And the FOOBAR, never sleeping, still is beeping, still is beeping
On the glaring console out from which I cannot even log!
And other happenings yet stranger indicate inherent danger
When bugs too easily derange or mung the programs of machines;
When programs too “intelligent” start taking over the machines:
Is this the end of AutoProg?
– The Great Quux
(with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)